This day, this point in my life..daily confusion. Weekly cries. Depression is not the correct definition of my woes. Indifference? Complacency?
I was told last week my soul is new. That's why I want to explore and my mind runs crazy with thoughts...because my soul has not lived. I've been thinking a lot about that. My soul is new, is young, has not lived. Who decides that? When does my mind and my soul begin to connect because I don't think that is anyones position to say, except for me.
I was told that I am restless. A free spirit. Again, I must disagree.
Restless by definition is unable to stay still, or quiet. "I want friends that will leave me alone when being alone is all that I need". I am not restless. I am tortured.
Tortured: anguish. Agony, to pervert or distort something physically or mentally. My minds distortions, maybe this is why I put pen to paper. Hand to keyboard. Keyboard to screen.
A free spirit. Now, this accusation - I don't know how to take. A nonconformist. Someone with a highly individual attitude or imagination. Someone who acts irresponsibly. One who is not restrained. I could fit some of those on most days, and I could fit some of those on other days. What does that mean?
Definitions of words amaze me. They have these books and online services that tell you what those words mean. They are labeled as nouns, verbs, pronouns. And when we use them in complete sentences, everybody knows exactly what we are talking about.
Except in poem. Because art is subjective. So then it allowed to say, "Your pain is a thorn in my life" and we all know that that truly this man does not literally have a thorn causing him pain in his life.
I use words to fit my moods or my thoughts and they say, "thats not correct".
Maybe I am choosing to live my life in poem.